Family Tree

The other day Henry, Elena and I got to talking about where our family comes from. I explained that most of my relatives came from Germany years ago, but some of them came from Ireland. Then I explained that most of their daddy's relatives came from Great Britain, but a few of them were actually Cherokee. "So," I concluded, "that means that you kids are all of those - German, Irish, British, and Native American." Without missing a beat, Elena chimed in, "And lawyers!" In this family, that's not too far from the truth.

Christmas Spirit

It's not quite Thanksgiving yet, but already the kids have Christmas on the brain. Yesterday after Henry got home from school Elena and her cousin Evie were arguing about something (which is often the case). Henry interrupted them: "Girls, you'd better be good. Santa is watching!"Ahhh, the power of Santa, one of the many perks of parenting during the holiday season.

Career Advice

The kids and I were in the car tonight when the subject of school and, ultimately, careers came up. Thinking waaaaaay ahead, Henry asked where he should go to college. I told him that he gets to decide that someday, but he could consider what he wants to be when grows up and find a school that has classes that will help him with that profession. Without missing a beat, he said he wanted to be either a marine biologist or a paleontologist. I said that if he wanted to study life in the ocean, he might want to go to a college that is near the ocean. Henry loves to swim, but he didn't have a very good experience on the boat at the Lake of the Ozarks. Also, he has been reading his shark book quite often. He had to confirm that he would not have to go on a "fast" boat (and I didn't disabuse him of that) and that he would be swimming in a pool, not the ocean. He then said, "And if I want to be a paleontologist, I should go to college in the desert." (I think I'll skip that Parents' Weekend.)

Not wanting to leave Elena out of the conversation, I asked her if she knows what she wants to be when she grows up. Her answer: "Princess." Henry very helpfully told her that she needed to think of a job where she could make money. Who knew that being royalty doesn't pay?

Ingrid: Future Talk Show Host and Songbird

If Ingrid's current verbal skills are any indication, she has quite a future in front of her. She only just turned 14 months old, but already she can speak a few complete sentences: "I want dat," 'I want Mom," and her favorite, "I want snack."

Also, we recently celebrated Aunt Julie's birthday with a large chocolate cake. Everyone joined in a rousing rendition of "Happy Birthday," at the end of which most of the cousins helped to blow out the candles. Ingrid was too far away to participate in the blowing, but a few minutes later she sang, "Happy Birt-day to oooo," nearly in perfect tune. She refused to her repeat her performance - until everyone stopped paying attention to her. Then she sang the line a couple more times. It's not just wishful thinking on my part - I have witnesses!

Ingird: Future Base Jumper

At 14 months old, Ingrid can scale the big kids' playground equipment at the park with ease. I stop at the park with the kids almost every afternoon on our way home from picking up Henry from school. Ingrid almost instantly heads for the very tallest of the three slides, which is one of the twisty slides with rather low sides. I now have to position myself at the top so that I can stop her from walking straight out onto the slide and going over the edge. Usually I manage to get her to go down feet first on her belly, but the other day all I could do was get her to sit on her bottom before she scooted out of my reach. She shot herself down the slide, whizzed off the end, and did a face plant. In the next instant, her face popped up - entirely caked in the wood chips - and she started laughing her little head off. Word on the playground is that I'm a shoe in for Mother of the Year if Ingrid survives relatively unscathed to her second birthday.

Incommunicado

I arranged for Oma to pick Henry up from his first day of kindergarten, and both Josh and I had instructed Henry to call us as soon as school was out to tell us all about it. When Henry got into the car, he asked Oma for her cell phone, flipped it open, and dialed Josh's number (I lost the coin toss, apparently). Oma heard Henry talking in a very business-like tone: "Yeah, Dad. School was good. I don't like recess. I'll talk to you later. 'Bye." From the brevity of the conversation, Oma gathered that Henry had gotten Josh's voicemail, and she asked, "So, is Dad incommunicado?" Henry said, "Well, if that means he can't communicate with us right now, then, yes." Kindergarten-schmindergarten - bring on the SAT's!

Girls' Night Out

Henry and Daddy decided that it was time for one of their "Guys' Nights," so Elena, Ingrid and I thought we'd have our own fun. On Friday night, the guys headed out to get some dinner and play some video games, and we ladies rented some movies, bought some nail polish - light pink for Elena and burgundy for Mommy - and tried to settle on where to have our dinner. Despite my pleas for sushi or Thai, it was determined that we needed to go somewhere with an "indoor play thingy." As Elena put it, we could choose between McDonald's and Booger King. I'm quite sure the fine folks at Booger King would not appreciate the mispronunciation, and I tried to correct Elena the first few times she said it.

Mommy: No, Elena, it's Burrrrger King. Can you say Burrrrger King?
Elena: Boooooooger King.

McDonald's it is!

Better Safe Than Sorry

I was doing some weeding while Ingrid napped yesterday, and Henry and Elena were playing very nicely in the yard. Eventually, Henry decided to try out some tricks on his skateboard, but he did it in true "Henry" fashion, which I would characterize as "cautious recklessness." First, he would make "notes" on his clipboard about what he was going to do before attempting to execute a move. Then, after performing the trick, he would make some more notes about the success - or failure (by what criteria I don't know) - of the maneuver. After one trick, I overheard him muttering as he made notes that it was "deadly" to young kids; apparently this was a successful trick, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what "deadly" means. (The tricks consisted of a variation on having the skateboard come out from underneath him as he landed safely on his feet to the side or rear of the skateboard.)

Henry joined me by the flower beds I was weeding and showed me a picture of his next trick, which consisted of a very wavy line with a skateboard at the end. I told him it looked really, really dangerous. That was obviously the right answer because he grinned like the Cheshire cat. Then he told me that I was "needed on the track" to assist with the next trick. Trying to weasel out of it, I told him that the trick was entirely to dangerous for me and I didn't want any part of it. Without missing a beat, he informed me that I would have to help, but that he needed to get me some insurance first!

A Little "Mommy Time"

Aunt Maggie and Uncle Aaron are in the process of finishing their attic in advance of little Charlie's arrival in late September. In usual Schuering-family style, everyone was on hand this weekend to hang drywall. Actually, the boys did the drywalling, while us womenfolk took care of kids and meals. (That sounds terribly old fashioned, doesn't it?)

Well, Aunt Julie took Henry, Elena, and Evie to the park over the weekend while I stayed behind with Ike and Ingrid, who were napping, so I could get a jump on preparing dinner for everyone. As they were driving to the park, Henry mentioned to Julie that he thought I was really enjoying having all the kids out of the house, since I like to be by myself. Julie responded that sometimes mommies just like to have some time alone to get things done. Henry said, "I know Mom likes it when I'm gone." Julie asked why he would say that, to which he replied, "Because one time, when I told her I had to go to the bathroom, she said, 'Great!!!'"

I'm not sure which is worse - the fact that I was obviously being a little too sarcastic with my child (probably in response to the 12th potty break of the day) or the fact that Henry interpreted by false enthusiasm as happiness that I wouldn't be with him for the 2 minutes it takes him to use the bathroom. Either way, I'm sure he can work it out with his therapist when he reaches adulthood!

Fear Factor

On our recent vacation in the Lake of the Ozarks, my Uncle Joe and Aunt Julie were nice enough to offer their boat for a "little kids' cruise." My sisters, Oma, and I lubed everybody up in sunscreen and zipped the kids into life jackets. Initially Henry said he didn't want to go, but he changed his mind. Immediately he began checking things out:

Henry: Why is that water there?
Me: When people get back on the boat after swimming in the lake, water drips off them.
Henry: Why is that rope broken? Is that okay?
Me: It's just an old piece of rope that's not being used. Don't worry.
Henry: Hold on to me. What's happening?
Me: Uncle Joe is turning the boat, and one side goes up higher than the other...boats are made so they can do that.
Henry: Mom, I think I figured out what one of my fears is - boats!

I told Henry that I was proud of him for trying, but he didn't have to take any more boat rides if he didn't want to.

(Incidentally, Elena, who won't turn 4 for another few months, didn't have the same issues. She even went tubing - without anyone else on the tube! She had a great time and wants to do it again next year.)

Paris

At this moment, Henry, Elena, Evie, and Isaac are playing "Paris." They have all dressed up: the girls are in fancy play clothes, high heels and tiaras, Henry is wearing a Bob the Builder costume that is a good three sizes too small, and Ike is wearing Henry's old frog costume that is at least two sizes too big. Each of the kids packed a backpack full of the necessities - I have no idea what is in all those bags, but they are really full. Then they got on the "plane" (the couch) and flew to "Paris" (the play room). I heard Henry call for a taxi and ask to check in at the hotel, as the rest of the kids tromped after him with their gear. It all looked like so much fun that I asked to join in, but Isaac informed me that I couldn't come. I guess I can't even get to Paris in my kids' dreams, let alone my own!

Princesses

Lucy and Johnny recently became engaged, so there has been much discussion of the wedding. The other day I was changing Ingrid into a dress with pink flowers on it when Elena noticed that she and Ingrid were both wearing pink flowers on their clothes. Elena said, "Mommy, Ingrid and I are flower girls." I told her, "Yes. And maybe you and Ingrid can be flower girls when Aunt Lucy gets married." Of course, Elena wasn't familiar with the duties of a flower girl, so I explained, "Flower girls get to wear pretty dresses and walk down the aisle at church before the bride comes in." Elena added, "Yeah, with their prince." I smiled and asked her who her prince was. She responded, "Daddy," like I was a very silly Mommy for not knowing that very obvious fact. (That was fair because Josh always calls Elena his princess.)

Silly Johnny

Johnny and Lucy got engaged shortly before our annual family vacation, and Johnny joined us in the Ozarks for a couple of days. Apparently Johnny is unable to pass a fence without attempting it to jump over it. When Johnny tried to jump the fence by the pool, however, the fence won. Johnny ended up with a pretty painful and swollen ankle as a result of the encounter.

Henry was interested in Johnny's injury, as well as the motivations for trying to jump a fence, generally. Johnny was explaining that there would come a time in Henry's life when Henry would want to jump fences, too, but Henry was not buying it. Henry scolded, "Johnny, there's a gate!" After a beat he added, "There's two gates!"

Shhhhhh!

As usual, Josh, the kids, and I shared a cabin with Oma, Pa, and Aunt Lucy during our annual vacation at the Lake of the Ozarks. One of the highlights for Henry and Elena was the fact that Josh and I did not enforce the usual bedtime. Still, the kids woke up in the morning well before Oma and Aunt Lucy each day. Josh and I tried to keep the kids relatively quiet until all the adults were up and repeatedly asked Henry ahd Elena to be quiet.

One morning, I was in the kitchen when I heard Henry bellowing, "Mom! Mom! Mom!" as he came down the hall from our bathroom in the back of the cabin. When he finally spotted me he informed me, "Mom, I didn't flush the toilet so I wouldn't wake anyone up!" Oma and Aunt Lucy had a lovely wake-up call that morning!

The Favorite Aunt

I'm lucky enough to get to watch my niece, Evie, and my nephew, Isaac, while their mom works in the afternoons. That gives me lots of time to indoctrinate them, and my recent project has been teaching Ike, who is nearly 2, to say that I'm his favorite aunt. It's clearly true, because he is very cooperative when it comes to going down for his nap. Whereas it takes Julie hours to get him to bed at night, in the afternoon I just tuck him in, give him a kiss, and he turns over and goes to sleep. This afternoon before I even got him tucked in he said, "Gimme a kiss!" It melted my heart.

I Do Believe!

Henry recently lost his first tooth...and I mean he really lost it. We have no idea where it went, except for our speculation that he swallowed it. He must have been a little freaked out because he didn't even tell us that he had lost the tooth. I came home from work and thought I noticed extra space in his mouth, but when I asked him to smile he blocked his bottom teeth with his top ones, so I didn't see the hole in the bottom row. A little later Aunt Julie confirmed that he had, indeed, lost his tooth. He fessed up to losing it when he bumped into the bookshelf down in the Schuetz's basement - he was probably doing something he shouldn't have!

Fortunately the Toothfairy accepted a note in lieu of the actual tooth, and she left Henry a dollar under his pillow. The next morning, I overheard Henry telling Josh that he didn't believe in the Toothfairy. Josh asked, "Then how did that money get under your pillow?" Henry replied, "Dad, there are a couple of reasonable explanations." Before Henry could think too hard about what those might be I jumped in, "Well, if you don't believe in the Toothfairy, she might not bring you any money anymore." Very quickly Henry backtracked, "I mean, I do believe in the Toothfairy!"

Got Milk?

Yesterday Elena was sitting between Oma and me in church when Oma wanted to hold Ingrid. Ingrid is 8 months old and very much a mamma's girl. Oma didn't get to hold her for long before she reached for me again. Elena was apparently concerned that Oma's feelings were hurt. She whispered in Oma's ear, "It's okay, Oma. You just can't feed Ingrid because you don't have any bumps." Then she gave Oma the once over and revised her statement, "Well, your bumps aren't big enough to feed Ingrid, anyway."